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Contents / English

(More than 500 articles about tongkat ali and better physical relationships in general)



Tongkatali.org's The psychology of better relationships


By Serge Kreutz


I admit that my articles are based primarily on own experience and self-observation, not on clinical trials or formal scientific research. However, I do believe that both my experience and my self-observation are representative for many men, and the feedback I am getting is largely affirmative.

Most relationships therapists have got it wrong. They ‘ve got it wrong because they usually are trained psychologists. Trained psychologists are focused on solving problems; if they are relationships therapists, they are focused on solving relationship problems and tensions in relationships.

But I, and many men and women, know that relationships is best in or after conflict situations. This is most obvious when we are jealous. Jealousy can make us obsessed with relationships imaginations (gratefully so), we enjoy enormous stamina, and the psychological pain we feel from being jealous can transform itself into the best orgasms ever.

But jealousy is not the only dramaturgic element that can enhance our sense of relationships pleasure. Relationships is also enhanced when we break up a steady relationship, and the next day are together again. Relationships is enhanced after fierce family arguments. It’s enhanced when we have been deeply offended by the girlfriend or wife.

All of these conflict situations miraculously have the power to make us sexually more focused on the person with whom we have a steady love relationship.

Some couples argue all the time, even about totally irrelevant matters. Many people, even psychologists, often do not understand why such couples stay together.

Of course, there are practical reasons. It may be difficult for either to find a replacement partner. Breaking up can bring economic hardship. Separate living space may be hard to find.

But there often is another element. It can be so gratifying, emotionally, to make peace after having argued. Relationships can be fantastic in such a situation. Unconsciously, couples who argue every day may initiate arguments not because of a specific subject matter but because the quiet after the storm is so rewarding. It is a situation not unlike the one gambling addicts are seeking. Gambling addicts, unconsciously, are in the game to lose, not to win, because, as masochists, they enjoy the extreme thrill of being defeated.

I am a practical man, an engineering mind. I pursue insight and knowledge not for the sake of consciousness but beyond that, for the sake of applying it. And the above insight can indeed be used to improve one’s relationships experience and satisfaction.

The funny thing is that we can trick our unconscious mind in a way, we ourselves would be hard to trick. Hypnotists make extensive use of this fact. And as autosuggestion everybody can apply this knowledge to one’s own benefit.

You can look into the mirror and come to the objective conclusion that you are below average looking. This could be a good reason to be depressed.

However, if you mentally repeat hundreds of times: “I am a good looking man, I am a good looking man, I am a good looking man, ?. then you will, yes, you will become more self-confident. You can become a winner, even if you have the face of a loser, just because your unconscious mind is convinced that you are a winner. This conviction has been imprinted in your unconscious mind by consciously repeating hundreds of times that, yes, you are a good-looking winner. Somehow, auto-suggestive sentences can bypass our rational mind, and shape our unconscious view of the world and ourselves.

I have only recently learned about an Indian movement in laugh therapy. Laughter is reputed to be the best medicine, even in the rational-minded West. Now, one of the slogans of this Indian movement is: Fake it, fake it, until you make it.

This slogan summarized the idea and observation that the positive effect laughter exerts on health can be provoked by just pretending to laugh when there really isn’t anything funny.

One can also reap it the benefits of such an approach if one’s purpose is better relationships.

Obviously, in a life partnership (even a temporary one), arguments can be costly and destructive to the practical challenges of every-day life. We want to prosper, and if the husband smashes the TV set every week, and the wife tears his and her clothes in anger, prosperity will be hard to achieve.

But if the arguments are faked, just as the laughter in that Indian movement, real losses can be avoided. In an ideal setting, the unconscious mind is tricked into believing that there is conflict, while the conscious mind is aware that it’s all just play.

For example, you can sell her, in a jokingly voice, that of all men in the world, you are the one who ended up with the most brainless wife. You can scold her over small shortcomings, and threaten her with a trashing. Now, even if she holds a doctorate in philosophy, and even if she knows that this is all just drama, and in spite of the fact that you never beat her, such conflict talk will still have an effect on her unconscious mind.

Likewise, if she tells you that your member is below average in size, and that she fantasizes about a man with a real big organ, your conscious mind may be aware that this is just pep talk, and that in reality, your member is above average in size. But your unconscious mind will still react as if what you heard were seriously correct.

It’s a dream world.

Those among us who are just straight may find the subjugation scenes played by pronounced sadists or masochists outright ridiculous. Those who are into SM may use children’s dungeon toys, and just dream themselves sexually into the darkest Middle Ages. Surprisingly, for the relationships enhancement effect they are after, it works just fine.

While playing SM scenes may not be everybody’s cup of coffee, the auto-suggestive pro-relationships effect of dramaturgic elements can nevertheless be applied by about everybody who cares.

Pretending conflict can actually become a personal style of communication. It’s suitable for extroverted characters. Masters of pretended conflict can even come across as exceptionally charming men, especially when they can mix degrading and non-serious flattering comments in one sentence.



Tongkatali.org's How to compete


By Serge Kreutz


As a rule of thumb, it is probably quite normal that younger and more attractive men end up with the more attractive girls or women.

Of course, like other men, I like the most beautiful girls for me. Not all of them, but some.

The problem is: I am in my fifties. While I try my best to maintain an attractive physique, there are limits to what I can do, and I admit that many men in their twenties are physically more attractive than I am.

However, I can still manage to find women in their early twenties for genuine love relationships, and I even can be selective.

However, there are a few rules to observe. The headline of this article states: How to compete. But what I actually mean, is: How to avoid having to compete. Or: how not to come out the loser in a competition.

One important aspect: If I want a young women (around 20) to develop interest in me, I will have a much easier time if she believes I'm in my thirties (or late twenties), not my fifties.

OK, you can work on your attractiveness through facelifts. But facelifts are not a hundred percent effective. If you stand next to a person who is 30 years you junior, you will probably lose out.

The trick is not to be comparable.

An amazing fact of face recognition psychology is that all humans have a much harder time judging faces of humans of other races than of humans of their own race.

To many white people, all black people look the same. And to many Asian young women, the faces of many white men look much more similar than they would look to young white women.

I have been in remote Asian places, telling people that I'm 25 years younger than I actually am, and met with no disbelief. I could never do this in Europe, in spite of a facelift, and in spite of taking good care of my physical appearance.

So, if you want genuine love relationships in spite of being beyond the age in which one typically has them, it makes sense to be at a location where the locals are not your own race. Which is why I have always preferred Asia over, for example, Latin America.

Furthermore, it makes sense to choose a location where there aren't too many other foreigners. Unfortunately, one of the impacts of globalization is that you now have a substantial foreign (Western) population in many Asian countries, such as Malaysia, Singapore, the Philippines, Thailand, and even Cambodia.

The largest number of Western residents, you typically have in capital cities or economic centers.

The least number of Western residents, you typically find in provincial cities of countries with a large population, such as Indonesia and, most of all, China.

In many Asian countries, you find young local women who are attracted to Western men. However, if you are in your fifties and still don't want to lose out, you better go to places where there aren't too many attractive young Western men.



Tongkatali.org's Harm's way


By Serge Kreutz


I am a perfectionist, not because I would, in any way, be perfect, but because I am keenly aware of the many errors I commit all day long, every day of the year. Fortunately, most of these errors are minor. Nevertheless, I do notice that in many cases, I could have made better decisions.

I could categorize these errors as those that cause me to suffer financial losses, errors that cause me physical harm, and errors in communication.

Errors that cause financial losses don't need a further explanation.

As for errors in communication: maybe I became a writer, and learned half a dozen of languages, because I hate errors in communication. I hate them because relationships opportunities often do depend on communication skills: how you present yourself verbally; whether you can be charming; what kind of signals you send to the other relationships.

But even worse than errors in communication are errors that cause me physical harm. Communication skills, I can learn, and what I do wrong today, I'll do right tomorrow.

Errors that cause me physical harm, are different. This is because they are difficult to undo. If I lose a leg in a road accident, no amount of money, and no amount of skill on the part of surgeons or experts in other fields of health care, will restore at full my bipedal condition.

And there is, of course, worse physical harm that one may suffer. By this, I don't primarily mean dying. But dying a terrible, conscious death, as, for example, drowning, or burning to death.

But the worst fates, really, are suffered by those who survive serious physical harm for many years. This includes those who are paralyzed or severely disfigured, as well as those who suffer permanent pain.

By contrast, you do not carry scars from errors in communication, they are seldom tragic, and usually, it is not important to try very hard to avoid making them. With errors in communication, you normally get a second chance.

As many errors that cause physical harm are not revertible, it is important to stay out of harm's way.

Because I am so aware of the many errors I commit all day long, I have only a limited confidence in the work of other humans. As a rule of thumb, I try to avoid human technologies where small errors can have tragic consequences, even if these errors statistically happen seldomly. This is because I really would prefer to neither lose my life, nor my physical integrity or attractiveness, because of other people's stupidity. It's bad enough that my own errors and stupidity may cause me serious harm.



Tongkatali.org's Size matters


By Serge Kreutz


The published public opinion, especially the female published opinion, is wrong in its assessment on why men are concerned about the size of their organs.

The public published opinion, and views held publicly by female commentators on the matter, assume that men are concerned about the size of their organs on the basis of a rather childish attitude just like when eight-year-old boys try a far arc while urinating, and then boast about it.

The common published opinion tends to belittle the concern of men about organ size. An example is the following remark of relationships adviser Ruth Westheimer, quoted from the TIME cover story of May 4, 1998: “Even if a man has an erection from floor to ceiling and can keep it that way for an hour, it will not be pleasurable for a woman if he is not sexually literate.”

This is making ridicule out of a serious concern.

Of course, until recently, all relationships therapists could offer men with insufficient erections, or a small organ, was some consolation of the above kind.

Published opinion may be quite different from the opinion held privately by people who are represented by a specific general published opinion. The publishing trade has its own rules on what opinions may be offered in public. The motto of a major US publication used to be (or still is): All the news that’s fit to print. (Not: All the news that’s true.) And in the opinion of newspaper editors, it’s not fit to say that organ size is of importance when assessing the qualities of a man.

Sorry, but size does matter. And men would probably not be concerned about size, if they wouldn’t have learned from intimate experience that it’s important. They learn it from their female relationships partners when discussing relationships matters. When they engage in relationships talk with their female partners, many men will be confronted with women’s fantasies in which rather large-sized male organs play a role. It’s not common that women’s fantasies center on disfigured, under-sized, or flaccid male organs.

It may be true that most women who do experience orgasms experience them clitoral. More than 90 percent of all women are easier to bring to an orgasm through clitoral stimulation than through vaginal penetration. However, there are women who prefer to be brought to an orgasm through vaginal penetration, and in such cases, sufficient size, sufficient rigidity, and sufficient staying power are absolutely necessary. Relationships technique is a distant fourth. Usually, woman who can experience vaginal orgasms will anyway apply their own technique.

Furthermore, when it comes to vaginal orgasms, no one single technique fits all women. Some prefer quick short thrusts from below, others rather have it from behind. Often, women who can experience vaginal orgasms like to do the moving, and prefer a static man.

While clitoral orgasms result in rhythmic contractions of the pelvic area, including the vagina, there often is a magic additional component in vaginal orgasms: a ballooning of the Grafenberg area (the front vaginal wall near the vaginal opening), and a move forward of the cervix. Both these reactions can exert an expelling pressure on the inserted organ. A marvelous experience, available probably only to men with a sufficiently large organ.

But even among women who can be brought to an orgasm through clitoral stimulation, the idea of big, hard organs plays a major role in their fantasies. The stimulation may be clitoral, but the fantasies that are absolutely necessary to make clitoral stimulation an orgasmic success may still center on penetration and usually on penetration by a large male organ.

While the editors of periodicals anywhere around the world may only be willing to touch the topic of organ size in a manner that ridicules the concern, organ size clearly is a major aspect when it comes to the qualities of a man as a lover.

We seldom receive email from women who are of the opinion that organ size is not important. But we regularly receive feedback that confirms that a large organ is an important attribute. Here some comments by one female reader, Ka.:

– quote –

Hello,

I stumbled on your website a few hours ago. I very much enjoyed your essays. It’s almost 5 am here (Toronto, Canada), and I just stopped reading.

I just keyed in “love” into my search engine…I don’t even know why (I guess I just wanted to focus on something sweet before bed). Your inclusion of our neurology was great. And your sincerity was refreshing. I’ll read a few more of your articles tomorrow night.

Now, I got a few questions:

1. You praise tongkat ali very much. I heard that it raises your testosterone levels through the roof (which I guess would explain irritability, and relationships desire). But do you know how it effects woman? (Not that I need help in the arousal department). Just curious.

2. In your essay: “Female Orgasm in Asia”, you spoke about the female orgasm…and so on. I need to say this (actually to all the men in the world): Please don’t act like you are on a mission in bed. There were plenty of men who were determined to give me an orgasm…and I just ended up faking it. Once it seems that the guy is on a mission…the magic is gone. For me, I can be immensely satisfied without an orgasm (if one happens: great!… but if it doesn’t…then leave it alone).

3. You also talked about organ size. Well: IT MATTERS! (At least to me). There was a time that if I liked a guy, and thought that there may be potential for a more serious relationship, I would take things slow, not sleep with him right away… bla bla… But now: I try to get him into bed quickly. I don’t want to start liking him… and so on… and then find out he is tiny down there. For me it doesn’t have to be huge, but it has to be at least average. And for me, it’s not a psychological thing. I want to feel filled! And if he is not at least average, then I don’t want to waste my time with him. I don’t want to marry a man that is small. He can give the best oral in the world… but if he can’t stuff me properly… then I’m gone. I don’t want to get emotionally attached, no matter how great they are, and then find out I’m gonna be cheating on them for sure if we continue.

Please don’t get me wrong: it doesn’t have to be mega huge… but at least average. I dated a few “small” men. Sometimes I wondered what the point of us having relationships was. Cuz for me nothing beats the main course.

4. I don’t understand how increasing dopamine levels can help a man get erect. Doesn’t cocaine increase the amount of dopamine in your synapses? But… enough cocaine… and a man just can’t get it up. I don’t get it. (I dated a cocaine user…and there were soooooooooooooooooo many disappointments.)

Don’t feel like you have to rush with the answers.

Thanks,

Ka.

P.S. Looking forward to reading more articles of yours!

– unquote –

We left Ka.’s mail unedited. As questions have been asked, we include the answers of our reply mail.

– quote –

Ka.,

thank you for your interesting contributions.

Tongkat ali indeed raises testosterone. This has been shown in many scientific studies.

Dopamine enhancement works for libido, not for erections. Cocaine users get sexually agitated (in the head) but can’t perform. Not only will they have weak erections; they will also typically have rather small organs, even when they do get an erection. The reason is too much sympathetic tone.

Cheers

– unquote –

Back to organ size. Luckily, organ size, like erectile capacity and staying power, can be worked upon and improved.

For erectile capacity and staying power upon demand, sildenafil citrate (Pfizer’s Blue) is the drug of first choice. Sildenafil citrate is not just for 50-year-old diabetics or 60-year-old prostatectomy survivors. Even 25-year-olds can benefit from low doses of the drug. (And the drug is a necessity for cocaine users.)

For the improvement of basic organ size, there are two options: either pull and pull with methods described as penile exercise programs, or have the Leydig cells of your testicles synthesize more testosterone. Organ and testicle size is heavily dependent on testosterone synthesis. That Leydig cells start to synthesize testosterone is what causes the organ and testicles of boys to grow to man size. Furthermore, bodybuilders or athletes who use exogenous testosterone or steroids pay for it by testicular and penile shrinkage. Because they supply more testosterone than the body (more specifically: the hypothalamus) wants, the testes shut down the Leydig cells, and the testicles and organ revert to boyhood size.

The only herbal that stimulates the Leydig cells to synthesize more testosterone is tongkat ali (Eurycoma longifolia by scientific name), which is why heavy tongkat ali usage causes penile and testicular growth, independent of erections.

Of course, more than any other organ, the organ is variable in size. The size of a organ at any given time will depend on body chemistry. Vasoconstrictive nutrients such as caffeine and theobromine, as well as drugs that enhance the sympathetic autonomous nervous system (cocaine, amphetamines) will cause temporary testicular and penile shrinkage.

Beta blockers, which increase the levels of circulating adrenaline by blocking the hormone’s binding to cardiovascular sites, thus increasing adrenaline’s effect on abdominal receptors, will temporarily reduce organ size and interfere with erectile capabilities. No permanent damage.





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Petisah Tengah
Medan Petisah
Medan City
North Sumatra 20236
Indonesia
Tel: +62-813 800 800 20


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